Self Confidence and esteem



One topic that has been popping up recurringly for the past 2 years within close friends and family of mine, yet they dont see the link. Time and time again and I’m sure I’m not the only one who is noticing the people around us wanting to be slimmer. I have numerous friends and relatives that want this so badly, yet when you offer for them to come to the swimming baths or a gym class to get themselves moving and the weight loss losing they reply with this “i will when I’m slimmer” and “is everyone who goes skinny?” The reason for me taking more thought into this particular topic is that one of my good friends was slim over 2 years ago and she still wouldn’t of gone swimming, she wouldn’t have even gone on holiday with girls who were slimmer than her, she’d have even been too conscious to wear a bikini! She was so slim too, she has a beautiful face and a cheeky personality to go with it all! So why are people just like my lovely friend waiting to be ‘skinny’ and assuming that when they are they will have confidence to do more when infact i know that the size of them isn’t what is holding them back. I actually find it really annoying now, not because I’ve heard it a million times but because i know their size isn’t the problem and no matter how many times you tell them the story of them being super slim n still unhappy they still think that “this time will be different though, i look back on pictures now and im like why was i so bothered about my size i was tiny”…..EXACTLY because the size of you was never the issue to begin with, your self esteem and confidence was. The way you see yourself in the mirror is what needs to change, not your body hunny, your mind. I also noticed in this time space that other things were affecting her more than they had previously, she was taking offence more and more to little things people said, stuff that would of usually had her in a ball on the floor trying not to pee whilst laughing. She was adamant the people around her were changing and being nasty and nit picking etc. They weren’t, the only thing that has changed is that she hasn’t dealt with her self confidence and esteem so bit by bit its eating away at her more and more. She hates what she sees, and shes drilling all of these negative nasty thoughts into her head and then bringing them to life whenever someone speaks. Alot of people do this, they judge themselves so much then automatically assume that everyone around them is thinking the same thing too.

Nobody wants to feel these feelings but they also dont know any different. They are all over worked and have family errands etc, and when they’ve finished a full days work and made dinner for the family they have no time, they’re fuckin knackered and there goes their body slumped on the sofa faces engrossed and hypnotised into the tv where every form of evil discriminative judgement is. The front cover on the latest magazine that my sister had bought was pretty much slating slim girls (the front cover alone was bashed with 3 different women saying ‘skinny’), but they also have something to say when someone puts it on too. You cant win! Its a battle you are fighting, to be not too skinny that you’ll be judged and also not too fat for the same reason. Why is the way anyone looks even a deal? Our appearance means nothing of any importance to anybody and it definitely shouldn’t. We are people, we all desperately want to be noticed for the soul inside of us, not our outside cover up. When will this ever end? Or is everyone going to be diagnosed with eating disorders and mental health issues? It’s wrong because it is not our fault, we as humans can adapt to almost anything. Just think of how happy your morning would be if the front cover was just a picure of a beautiful place that made you hear the sounds that would possibly be going on in the back ground. A magazine that spoke out personally to all individuals about real stuff, things that makes us happy, for what we thrive our existence for, anything whether it be travelling, advertising crafts classes all over the country, interviews with people who have made something for themselves and with them to speak only about how they did it and how its connected with them on an emotional level. We never get to hear this, we just get a 5 page of photo shoot pictures with a mini story that none of us can relate to. This means nothing to us because we haven’t connected on a deeper level, we’ve heard almost every success story over and over, but what we dont get is the emotional impact it has on these people, all of the work that really truly went into it, we dont hear about certain stressful stories and the days they just couldn’t stop smiling. We want to connect with this kind of life, we dont want to abuse and judge others, we want all to uprise together and have positive energies in our face that change our mood for the day, that makes us happy, that give us more courage to carry on and persevere through with anything and everything. Positivity gives you an adrenaline, that added boost and with that, even after a full days work you will feel fully recharged to change your day for the better.

I dont think its a bad thing having pictures of people in mag’s, i think the obsessiveness that comes with it is though. Every mag on the front page without fail (if you dont believe go look for yourself) on the very front page ‘how to lose weight quick’ or ‘3 min abs’ ‘the new diet pill’ bla bla bla. It’s all forced in your face, and because it’s ever growing it’s down to us as individuals to want to change our ways of thinking and views of life too. I’ve never really been a TV person, so it’s always been easier for me to try something else, i love walking too and that’s extremely therapeautic for me. It all starts with just changing a couple of teeny tiny routine habits and putting something else in its place thats more lifefull for us. I get quite saddened when i see nasty stuff in magazines, it makes me feel really sad for the person who has the whole world looking at them and judging them based on appearance, its cruel!!! We are supposed to love and support each other not the opposite.

But who is really to blame in this? The news and mag’s for forcing it down your throat, or yourself for giving it your attention and buying into it. Its kind of like the media don’t want you to be happy, but you have to want happiness more than watching it. I mean fat Amy too! Why the fat before the name? And Run fat boy run, because it isn’t just girls with this problem of the way see themselves, men are too. I am not against going to the gym, having exercise hobbies and eating good healthy meals, our HEALTH depends on it, we need it for better blood circulation and our bodies need good nutrient dense foods too. Our focus in life should be ourselves, focusing soley on being a better you, nothing else, just you. Living each day just striving for the best you can possibly be, the happiest you can make of that day will inturn make you a happier person. You have to stop looking at others all the time, take time out of that to think of who you are, do the things that make you happy, stop comparing yourself to all of these people who live a completely different lifestyle to you.  Anybody can acheive the life style they want, but you’re not going to get that doing nothing but putting yourself down whilst viewing the life of someone who has already in your eyes ‘made it’. Focus on yourself, being happy, be more mindful in all aspects of your life. We all have the burning power to inflame and move onto something greater. For yourself, look out for you, give your attention to you, give it to the loved ones in your family who may need it too. It starts with you, look after you and the ones you love and you will grow.

Unless you force yourself to just go and do these things now, where are you going to be in a years time? Hmmm still waiting to be slimmer i guess. A life spent uncomfortable and closed off and disconnected from the people around you isn’t going to make you happy. It will make you more insecure. You should at least try to do these things regardless, it will make you stronger in your mind, it will boost your confidence levels and push you further in other areas of your life. Just going to the swimming baths once will instantly make you feel better for even going, it will be a proud moment for you! You had the courage to do it and you will most likely go again, you will also notice that it is you who notices all of the people around you, and that everyone is just getting on with what they are there to do, you are all there for the same reason, working towards similar goals. You may even meet like minded people but if I’m being totally honest i never interact with anyone at the gym or swimming, I’m there for me, to work out, and everybody in there is for the same reasons too. I know that to so many people this sounds scary but for yourselves you have to go out and do these things that scare you if you want to feel better, think ‘Feel the fear and do it anyway’ really good book. If you do find this hard work just try reading a book like this. If doing this affects you badly in any way i think it would be best to see a doctor/counsellor, some of us have underlying issues/childhood trauma’s that need dealing with before we can progress. I have faith in you all to live a happier less judgemnetal life and you really can acheive this!! xXx


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